Generally, day-to-day I’m fine, I wake up, get ready, start work, finish work, make tea, eat tea, do the bed time routine then sleep. My mood is stable, if something makes me laugh I laugh, if I’m tired I’m tired and deal with it. I’m generally a “normal” person (yeah right, like that even exists)
But then out of the blue, a day like today hits me. I feel irritable, pessimistic and low and dull. Everyone and everything annoys me, including myself. The kids on the school run are just that bit more annoying, the parents are just that bit more rude, the wind is just that bit more windy, the freaking birds are just that bit more tweety, you get my point!
I have today off work ,and I feel like this! A day all to myself, I could be doing so much, enjoying the time, peace and quiet, instead I feel like this. I think about how productive my day was yesterday, going for a run, running errands, shopping for AND wrapping Kayden’s birthday presents which isn’t even for one whole month yet. I feel angry that today can’t be the same.
I look at the state of the kitchen and feel like a slob, I could be cleaning the house, sorting out the clothes, doing paperwork. Instead i’m sat with a very large coffee and eating Halloween chocolates (sorry kids) and writing about how sorry I’m feeling for myself. I could easily go back to bed and hope to wake up in a better mood. Unfortunately I know that it can turn in to a viscous cycle and does me no good whatsoever from when I had depression after Kayden.
I woke up this morning with all good intentions, but as the morning went on my plans seemed unreachable. I was snappy with Kayden before school, snappy at Karl before work, why? I have no idea. Does there always need to be a reason?
But its OK isn’t it? Its OK for me not to be OK today.
Everyone has bad days, and we understand that, but when is us having the bad day we beat ourselves up.
These feelings need to be accepted rather than fought, as most of the time, its a loosing battle.
So Here I am feeling slightly better but slightly fatter after consuming 8 chocolate ghosts and getting my thoughts out.
I’m going to take it easy on myself today. If the things I had planned don’t get done then so what? I know fresh air helps me so my one goal for today it to go for a walk.
Note to self:
Care for yourself
Ps. If your bad days are frequent or you feel suicidal then please seek professional advice and talk to family and friends. Dont ever feel alone or ashamed.