I’m heavier 🙁
I have always been up and down with my weight, but nowadays its becoming more up than it is down. As mentioned in my other post I’m getting married on the 6th of July next year and would ideally like to drop a stone and a half, minimum.
When I was 17 I weighed a healthy 9st 7lbs ish and was a size 10.
I never had to think about where I could shop, what style and fit would suit me and if the dress was long enough to cover my fat sucking body suit! I saw a dress, I liked the dress, I bought the dress. Simple. I would wear it once or twice then get bored and go out to buy a new one, which was always a pleasurable experience.
Nowadays I have around 20 dresses, some which i’ve had for years hoping that I will one day get back in to. Around 5 of these dresses fit. 2 of those 5 fit comfortable with no help needed from my fat suit! These are both a size 16!! :-/
When I met Karl, he was bigger than his is now, he dropped around a stone and half in the 1st year of us seeing each other, this was probably down to the newly added stress bomb he had let in to his life. We were both were a nice, healthy weight for a while.
After the honeymoon period it didn’t take too long to notice that Karl had a secret lover. Pizza!
There was once Karl went to Morrisons for his weekly pizza fix, which was him being ‘good’ as usually its a big fat 14 incher from the local takeaway. After about half an hour he came home with actual tears in his eyes. I wondered what the hell had happened. Karl told me he had left his pizza on the roof of his car by accident and had driven off. The pizza fell off the roof and got run over by another car which he saw happen in the rear view mirror. How horrific that must have been! I laughed at him and told him to go back to the shop as I know he would have been sulking for the rest of the evening. He did, and a short while after I received this photo.
Better to be safe than sorry I suppose.
My weight slowly crept up to around 10 and a half stone mark over the next few years while Karl’s weight stayed the same. For as long as I can remember I have been on some sort of diet, yo yoing from one to the next. I can remember taking a diet shake to my secondary school for break time, which was supposed to last me all day, only to be starving by dinner and shoving a slab of chocolate concrete in my face! I have tried many diets over the years :
- SlimFast ( I needed actual real food)
- Weight Watchers (This was a good balanced diet, but I always went over my points on wine)
- Cabbage Soup diet (yuck)
- Terry-Ann 123 (too confusing)
- Keto (not enough carbs for my daily needs)
- Slimming world (My hands got sore from all the happy clapping)
- Special k (boring)
- calorie counting (ate too many calories to keep track of)
- South beach diet (too complicated)
I’m sure there has been more but they obviously didn’t work either.
I was really lucky to not get any stretch marks while pregnant and only put on around half a stone, but after ballooning up to 12st 9lb in the year after having Kayden, I ended up with stretch marks. How ironic! I’m going to blame the frangipane’s at Leeds mother and baby unit. I don’t remember much from being in there but my god, I remember those bad boys!
For the first few weeks I wasn’t allowed out of the unit as I was not well enough. There were women in there who were though, and usually they were still out when dinner and tea was served which meant second, third and sometimes fourth helpings for me at each sitting.
Then when I was finally allowed day leave the Leeds German Chirstmas market was on around the corner so I lived off of bagles, chocolate coated marshmallows and bratwurst sausages. Getting out of the unit, the last thing on my mind was eating a salad leaf over a pack of crisps, so I continued to pile on the pounds. Here is a pic of me at my heaviest.
(I believe I wore a black and white tent to town that night).
As mentioned in my first post, I used booze a fair bit to numb out the crippling anxiety in the first few months of leaving the unit. However I realised it was starting to affect my recovery process, making it come to a halt. I was unable to do things which would cause even the littlest bit of anxiety without a drink before hand. I remember having to have a few to calm my nerves before Kayden’s 1st birthday party when all the family came round. That makes me sad to write that down, but there is no point in hiding these things. It all part of my story.
Although I did cut down as I started to get well again and was able to start doing everyday things again without a drink. I was still drinking around 4 bottles of wine a week. Its only this past year really, that I’ve really been conscious about the effect alcohol has on my mental health, weight and all over general wellbeing.
Booze if full of calories and ive worked out I was having around 3000 extra calories a week in drink alone, not to mention the raiding of the kitchen cupboards after a few glasses. This year I have cut it down to one or two bottles of wine a week however when I get stressed I do still fall back on drink to deal with this, it’s just much less often nowadays. Dont get me wrong I’m not saying I want to be tee total forever but ideally, I want to cut drinking at home drastically and keep it mostly to social situations . I also need to learn when to stop!
I have buddied up with someone on Facebook from a group called clubsoda 20 days ago. She is called Emily and is doing fantastic! We message each other daily. Our aim was to do 30 days no booze and take it from there. She has not touched a drop in the last 20 days and I’m so proud of her! I however, have had a few slip ups! 8 days has been my longest period so far. I’m going to be doing a post on alcohol free drinks in the next few weeks and reviewing some on the newest on the market.
Over the past year or so I have managed to get down to 11st 11lbs (got down to 11st 8lbs with the low carb diet Keto, but put it all back on.
So I’m going to join Weight watchers again! I found this the most doable diet and seeing as I’m not drinking as much anymore I might even have some points left over for a mini milk!
I’ve already ordered my wedding dress, in a size smaller than what I currently am.! I think I may need to stitch my lips up if Weight Watchers doesn’t work this time round. Wish me look and thanks for reading x